I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
