My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
