well I can't set my house on fire every night
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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