Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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