God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
