I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
