Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
