4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
