I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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