i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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