Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
