im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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