God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
