I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
