We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Someone shattered a urinal.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
