Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
