from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize