Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
