Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
