I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
