wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize