Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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