I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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