I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
