So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
