the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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