I wannas sexs uuuuu
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
