how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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