And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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