I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
