Plan B is the new Plan A
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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