i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
