when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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