u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
