Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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