sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize