in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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