If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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