4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
