We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
