walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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