Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
