Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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