Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
