your room smells of hookers.
And success
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
