Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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