we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
