OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Apparently you make a good broom.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
