I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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