Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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