dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
