Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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