May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize