Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
