i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
