If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
