lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i will never coherently bang her
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
