1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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