last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
