im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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