and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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