I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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