we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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