are you so shy because you have an std?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
