Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
