Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
