Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
