So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
