if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize