i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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