LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
