I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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