he puts the penis in happiness.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
