Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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