I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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