It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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