i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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