he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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