Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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