I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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