I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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