No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
