Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
