Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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