You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
