I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
