I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
