Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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