before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
