Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you win again, gameday.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
