So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
