there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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