nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
