i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
