RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Alive.
So much puke
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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