I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
