we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
