Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
