I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
