if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
wow bdsm is so cute
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